A sky full of stars, way too many stars.

These embers upon my skin scorch.
As I raise my eyes to the distant clouds,
Watching the sun tip into the ranging depth,
Taking every fragment of my life alongside.

I recall his face perfectly from noon today;
He’d worn a stoic smile,
And asked me to breathe.
“Just take slow deep breaths.”
He’d so calmly said.
And following his cue I did just that,
What were the odds?
The worse off chance was that I was wrong,
But I never was.
I have always survived.
I survived an absent father,
Who all but hated me,
For being the product of a loveless affair,
With a psychotic promiscuous lady,
Who my luckless childhood had to term mother.
But I survived, didn’t I?
So why would this man with a lisp scare me to death?


My trembling hands held gingerly onto this hope;
One that crashed when he read out my file.
Shattering my shimmering future before my eyes.
As he uttered those three words,
Sucking the life out of me in a slow whiff.
“You have cancer.”

It was my lungs after all;
All those years of taking in the smoke from my mother’s ‘joints’ and cigarettes,
As she rambled on about my bad luck as a daughter.
“You would pay for ruining my life”
She always said every night before I went to bed.
Now as she danced in joy of her new found faith,
In a religion she always despised,
I indeed was paying for it;
But not when I just got myself an engagement ring.
From the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen,
He’s left me sixty missed calls already,
Before I turned off the ridiculous device.
Showering tears into my pillow,
Raising my eyes just now.
Watching the night flash me an alluring gaze,
Enveloping me in anything but warmth;


I just want to be alive.